Sophia - Pregnancy Loss Support is here to support anybody who has experienced the loss of a child at any stage of pregnancy or shortly after.
Losing a child is devastating. Grieving is a natural process that everybody experiences in their own way. There is no normal way to grieve. However, there are common feelings, like shock, anger, guilt and depression, that many bereaved people will feel after experiencing loss.
It is important for you to know that grieving happens in waves.
Each wave will peak and then subside at some point, although
you may find it lasts months or years first. The stages will ebb
and flow throughout the whole grief process. What you will learn
to do is to build coping strategies for when those feelings become
more powerful once again.
Lois Tonkin's Model of Grief
Whilst SPLS acknowledges that there are many other models of grief, one that we feel truly sums up what grief is like as a bereaved parents, is Dr. Lois Tonkin's 'Growing Around Grief' model.
The picture to the left is a useful and accessible visual tool suggesting that our grief is not something we can 'get over', but it is something that our life grows around. This model of grief suggests that grief does not simply disappear with time, as our society seems to suggest, but we learn to grow around it and eventually we are able to function with our grief as part of our life.
Many of the bereaved parents we have spoken to are petrified that if they 'move on' from their loss/es, they will forget their precious babies. This is one of the most problematic parts of grieving as parents feel stuck, not wanting to forget the special memories with their children.
Dr. Tonkin's model suggests that grief will always be a part of your life, but that your life will still be able to grow and expand around it, freeing the bereaved from the guilt of moving forward in their lives.
One thing that we are aware of during times of distress is the importance of sharing our emotions with others. Everything you are feeling is completely natural so don't be afraid to show how you are feeling. Asking for emotional support is vital in your grief journey, whether it's help from friends and family, or from professionals and support groups. This will help you process what has happened and enable you to try to move forward.
If you feel that you would benefit from some online support, we have closed groups on Facebook that you would be welcome to be a part of.
"I looked at everyone's stories and found real comfort from them. At a time when you feel so alone it is a lifeline to be able to talk to people who truly understand and won’t judge you for anything you say."
By joining our closed Facebook Group(s), you will be joining a community of bereaved parents and family members, each with their own stories and experiences, some of which may be similar to your own. Many of our members find this helps them to feel less isolated and alone in their grief over their lost little ones.